Lessons in Leadership: The Impact of Toxic Managers, Great Mentors, and the Peter Principle

“We never forget toxic managers. But we always remember kind leaders.”

“The best leaders don’t create followers. They create more leaders.”

Leadership is a privilege, yet it’s often misunderstood or misapplied. Over the course of my career, I’ve encountered leaders who led with fear and insecurity, leaving a trail of frustration and dysfunction. Yet, I’ve also had the honor of working with inspiring mentors who led with wisdom, compassion, and confidence, elevating everyone around them.

Both types of leaders have taught me invaluable lessons—one through hardship, the other through inspiration. This journey has shaped not only the professional I am today but also the leader I strive to be.

The Peter Principle: When Potential Becomes a Liability

Leadership isn’t just a higher rung on the ladder; it’s a completely different skillset. The Peter Principle—the idea that individuals rise to their “level of incompetence”—has left an indelible mark on the corporate world. In many cases, brilliant individual contributors are promoted into leadership roles where their expertise becomes irrelevant, and their lack of leadership skills becomes a liability.

I’ve worked under managers who, despite their technical prowess, floundered as leaders. They struggled to delegate, communicate, or inspire. For some, this misalignment led to fear and control-based tactics: micromanagement, dismissal of others' ideas, and a culture of tension and mistrust.

But here’s the critical insight: toxic leadership is often rooted in insecurity. When leaders feel out of their depth, they may compensate by clinging to authority rather than empowering their teams. This creates a vicious cycle where creativity and collaboration are stifled, and the workplace becomes a breeding ground for disengagement.

Figure 1 below symbolizes this divide: the oppressive structure of toxic leadership compared to the vibrant, flourishing environment fostered by empathetic leaders.

The Emotional Toll of Toxic Leadership

Toxic leaders leave an unforgettable impression, but not in a good way. Their behaviors can erode confidence, breed resentment, and even cause talented individuals to question their abilities. I’ve experienced this firsthand, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t leave scars.

Yet, there’s another side to this coin: those difficult experiences taught me resilience. They forced me to reflect on my values and the type of leader I wanted to be. Toxicity, for all its negativity, holds a mirror up to the damage poor leadership can inflict, motivating us to rise above it.

If you’re working under a toxic leader now, I encourage you to reframe the experience as a lesson. What are they teaching you about leadership, even if unintentionally? How can you use this moment to define your own leadership philosophy?

The Transformational Power of Kind Leadership

In stark contrast, I’ve been fortunate to work under leaders who embodied kindness, strength, and self-awareness. These individuals didn’t just manage; they inspired. They understood that leadership is not about exerting control but about fostering trust and enabling others to excel.

What sets kind leaders apart is their ability to create an environment where people feel safe, valued, and empowered. They lead with humility, acknowledging their own limitations and celebrating the strengths of others.

One mentor I’ll never forget had a simple yet profound mantra: “My success is measured by the success of those I lead.” This philosophy shaped their every decision, and it showed in the culture they created—a space where collaboration thrived, and everyone felt motivated to bring their best selves to work.

Figure 2 illustrates this beautifully: a flourishing, collaborative team guided by a supportive and empathetic leader.

Leadership is a Choice

Whether we realize it or not, every interaction we have as leaders shapes the culture of our teams. Will we choose fear or trust? Control or empowerment? The leaders who inspired me chose trust and empowerment, and their legacy lives on in the way I approach my own leadership journey.

Here are three key lessons I’ve learned about leadership:

1. Lead with Self-Awareness: Know your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, and never stop learning. Insecurity is a breeding ground for toxic behavior, but self-awareness is its antidote.

2. Empower, Don’t Control: The best leaders don’t hoard power—they share it. They recognize that their role is to elevate others, not themselves.

3. Build Relationships, Not Hierarchies: Leadership is about people, not positions. Take the time to listen, understand, and connect with your team on a human level.

A Call to Action: What Kind of Leader Will You Be?

As I reflect on my experiences, I’m reminded of the profound responsibility we all carry as leaders. Toxic managers may teach us through pain, but kind leaders inspire us to create a better path.

What about you? Have you experienced the sting of toxic leadership or the uplifting power of a great mentor? How have these experiences shaped the leader you aspire to be?

Let’s make a commitment to leave a legacy of trust, empathy, and empowerment in the workplaces we touch. Share your stories, insights, and lessons in the comments—I’d love to hear how leadership has shaped your journey. Together, we can build workplaces that inspire, uplift, and transform.